MA Photography - Time - Diary Relflections

Earlier in my photographic practice I have thought of the camera as my diary, and also contradictory, that photographing is as an event in its own right. Event happen, so I 'write them down' by using my camera. But often the act of photographing is more of an event than the object/scene that I am taking photographs of, so the photographs have a bland end result, often documenting plain events of nothing in particular. These photographs are almost unconsidered, but because they are almost unconsidered, almost pointless snapshots, they hold up that mirror to life. They show the world as it really is, in a most unstaged way. The staging is in the camera, but not the scene. But there will always be an element of staging, because one must make the choice what is in the frame and what is left out.

I find it interesting that I have gone from that use of solely a camera to record events in my life unsupported; to writing in a diary, an act I would usually be abhorred by, with which I hope to support my photographs and to give them context, a framework.
I also started the diary as another form of authorship over my work. Before when I was working I didn't feel I needed any added authorship to my images, perhaps shooting on such large format with a process that many wouldn't be able to accomplish and having such large negatives they were directly related to me. I personally loaded them into the darkslides, exposed them, developed them, scanned them, printed them, they were directly mine. I shot them in a style that is very me I suppose, but this project feels like it needs something to relate the pictures to my own personal life, the personal time in which small events are happening.

The camera as a diary, as an event

Today,  I am lost in the modern world. Everyone has expensive mobile phones, computers, cars, holidays. Everything can be fixed in photoshop. People follow fashion as if it's an important thing, like there is some deeper meaning than the surface. People listen to the wrong music, like the wrong art, read the wrong newspapers, support the wrong political parties. I mean fuck ukip seriously.
Fashion is as deep as selling cloth, music is as deep as selling sound, newspapers sprout misleading ideas to make the owners richer preying on the publics stupidity, politics are a business.
Style is not real, it is a tax on people with a broken sense of self worth.
What happened to unadulterated music? What happened informed debate?
Am I Victorian? I certainly don't feel victorious. I feel part of a lazy population, I dream of what is outside.
I realise that the camera is like a diary too, to record all my moments of excitement and boredom. not just so I can remember it, but photography is part of the event itself.
I could take self portraits but I feel that would not be an accurate description of how I feel in each event. All the time I am looking outwards from myself. I look outwards as an escape from what is me. Growing up at home and outside I often did not feel valued for my person or my abilities. I think this feeling has continued somewhat in my adult life. I have struggled to find a job and to make strong friendships. In these times I previously found release in a toxic escape, now I turn to the window and the event of photography is my escape. In these moments photography isn't merely part of the event, it is the event itself.